The Pirate Handbook Read online

  A ROGUE’S GUIDE TO PILLAGE, PLUNDER, CHAOS & CONQUEST

  Pat Croceb

  “There comes a time in every rightly

  constructed boy’s life when he has a

  raging urge to go somewhere and dig

  for hidden treasure.”

  MARK TWAIN

  TABLE OF CONTENTS

  Cover Page

  Title Page

  Epigraph

  Introduction Avast Ye!

  I Preparations & Provisions

  II Batten Down the Hatches

  III Life Aboard

  IV Grub & Grog

  V Dead Reckoning

  VI Prepare to Board

  VII Steal This Ship

  VIII Ship-Shape Speed

  IX Land Ho!

  X Torture, Ransom & Piratical Politics

  Copyright

  avast ye!

  INTRODUCTION

  Pirate. Upon hearing this word, your mind should instantly conjure up fantastic images: swashbuckling rogues swinging from the rigging of tall ships, daggers firmly clenched between teeth. Wicked boarding axes and razor-sharp cutlasses clashing against one another again and again and again. Lean, tanned bodies slick with sweat and sea spray, fighting tooth and nail to the death. Thick clouds of black powder smoke blotting out the horizon as volley after volley of cannon fire from broadsides transforms wood into splinters and men into ghosts. Hordes of treasure—gleaming gold doubloons and silver pieces of eight, precious gemstones and ornate jewelry, priceless artifacts and rare antiquities—enough wealth to last a hundred lifetimes and justify the taking of a hundred lives. And then there are the names: Blackbeard, Captain Kidd, Black Bart, Thomas Tew, Anne Bonny, Henry Morgan—names that cause a tremor among the living, or bring a smile to the dead.

  We are the last of our kind, and we don’t take our profession lightly. In fact, I’d venture to say it’s not a profession at all—it’s a lifestyle. And if you choose to join our ranks you’d best come prepared.

  Fightin’, drinkin’, gamblin’, whorin’…What most consider vices, to be avoided like the plague, we consider fun, to be engaged in whenever possible. And engage in ’em we do, but only after prizes have been boarded and plundered, and the booty’s been divided. There’s no sense celebrating if there’s nothing to celebrate about.

  Now there are those who believe an honest day’s work equals an honest day’s pay. Bilge! That lily-livered mentality will bring you nothing but boredom, regret, and poverty. But pirating on the other hand, well matey, that’s a life worth livin’.

  It doesn’t matter where you hail from, or if your bloodline is pauper or prince. Your reasons for sailing under the black flag—be it running from your past or ’cause you’ve had salt in your bones since you first sucked air—are yours and yours alone. So long as you sign the Articles and carry your weight, the brethren of the coast will embrace you with open arms.

  Ah, the Articles. That’s our code of conduct, spelling out the rights, duties, and powers for all aboard the ship, crewmen and officers alike. We wrote ’em together, we obey ’em together, until the day our hearts beat no more. Chores and responsibilities, leisure activities, sharing booty, arguments and disputes—the Articles cover it all. And make no mistake, the Articles leave no room for interpretation. The code is gospel, more important than the water we drink or the air we breathe.

  So make your mark, put a fresh grind on your blade, and prepare yourself for exotic lands, amazing sights, and incredible adventures, all far beyond imagination. ’Tis a hard life you’ve chosen, one that may have lasted considerably longer had you remained at home. Then again, had you stayed put, you’d never have fulfilled your destiny and unleashed your pirate soul.

  Welcome aboard!

  THE PIRATE’S ARTICLES

  Every man shall have an equal vote in affairs of moment. He shall have an equal title to the fresh provisions or strong liquors at any time seized.

  The captain and quartermaster shall each receive two shares of a prize, the master gunner and boatswain, one and one half shares, all other officers one and one quarter, and private gentlemen of fortune one share each.

  Every man shall be called fairly in turn by the list on board of prizes. But if he defrauds the company to the value of even one dollar of plate, jewels, or money, he shall be marooned. If any man rob another he shall have his nose and ears slit, and be put ashore where he shall be sure to encounter hardships.

  That Man that shall snap his Arms, or smoke Tobacco in the Hold, without a Cap to his Pipe, or carry a Candle lighted without a Lanthorn, shall receive Moses’s Law (that is, 40 Stripes lacking one) on the bare Back.

  None shall game for money either with dice or cards on board ship.

  Each man shall keep his piece, cutlass, and pistols at all times clean and ready for action.

  If any man shall offer to run away, or keep any Secret from the Company, he shall be marooned with one Bottle of Powder, one Bottle of Water, one small Arm, and Shot.

  If at any time you meet with a prudent Woman, that Man that offers to meddle with her, without her Consent, shall suffer present Death.

  None shall strike another on board the ship, but every man’s quarrel shall be ended onshore by sword or pistol.

  Every man who shall become a cripple or lose a limb in the service shall have 800 pieces of eight from the common stock and for lesser hurts proportionately.

  The musicians shall have rest on the Sabbath Day only by right. On all other days by favor only.

  IN WITNESS WHEREOF, THE PARTIES HAVE DULY EXECUTED THESE ARTICLES THE DATE AND YEAR LAST WRITTEN BELOW:

  * * *

  NAME AND DATE

  ahoy!

  CHAPTER

  ONE

  PREPARATIONS & PROVISIONS

  “We are waiting for you with pleasure, and we have powder and ball with which to receive you.”

  HENRY MORGAN

  Becoming a sea devil is not a decision to be taken lightly. Countless perils await, many of which will send you to Davy Jones’s locker long before your time. However, for those who throw caution to the wind, sign the Articles, and sail under the black flag, a life of action and adventure—and possibly great fortune—is sure to follow.

  Still, before you cross the gangplank and come aboard, you’d be wise to equip yourself with the specialized accoutrements and requisite skills for your chosen career. Space is at a minimum—you’re not captain yet, no private cabin in your immediate future; whatever you can pack into your duffel will have to suffice. Thus, you need to pack wisely—necessities not luxuries. Pirate ships are cramped enough. Besides, you’ll find more than enough plunder aboard your first prize.

  Proper clothing is your first priority. Layers are the key. Better to have ’em and not need ’em than need ’em and not have ’em. Add or subtract based on what Mother Nature throws at you.

  At the bare minimum this means a sturdy pair of canvas pants, a loose-fitting cotton top (long sleeves are best for sun protection), and an overcoat that is both wind- and water-resistant. Add in appropriate undergarments and you’ve got a multiuse outfit that will get you just about anywhere.

  When it comes to footwear, sailors don’t have many choices. In some cases, there’s no choice at all, especially if they’ve been press-ganged or conscripted (forced into service). For these poor souls, the British Navy hands out slops—simple canvas doublets, breeches, cotton waistcoats and drawers, stockings, linen shirts, knitted wool caps, and run-of-the-mill shoes. Not only don’t these garments fit particularly well when dry but, when soaked with sweat or saltwater—which is often—wearing them is akin to punishment. Trying to perform arduous chores in a marine environment, or worse, engaging in life-or-death naval combat, while wearing clothes
that are too tight, too loose, or uncomfortable to the point of distraction is at least a nuisance and at worst a serious handicap. For this reason, when the weather is warm, crewmen usually go about bare-chested. I recommend you do the same.

  TREASURE CHEST

  One of the only remaining treasure chests whose provenance involves a real pirate—in this case, Thomas Tew—is on display at the St. Augustine Pirate & Treasure Museum. The chest weighs almost two hundred pounds empty, has a hidden lockbox inside, and the lid is secured with a dozen solid steel sliding bolts to keep it from being forced open by thieving hands.

  [ fig. 3 ] BURIED TREASURE

  heave ho!

  CHAPTER

  TWO

  BATTEN DOWNTHE HATCHES

  “It was such dogs as he that put men on pyrating.”

  JOHN PHILLIPS

  Pirates are masters of the ocean. Because the ocean is where we choose to make our living, we have to be. Naturally, we bring galleon-loads of skill and passion to the craft. Basically, if it floats, we can sail it—and sail it well. Many pirates begin their seafaring lives as privateers, or are pressed into service by their country’s navy, so when they finally sail under the black flag, they already have years of experience under their belts and are beyond salty.

  To properly operate a pirate ship, such as Henry Every’s Fancy or Blackbeard’s Queen Anne’s Revenge, takes some learning. Landlubbers were not allowed to do more than the most menial tasks until they proved themselves worthy of greater responsibility. Sailors began their maritime careers on the bottom rung of the ladder, learning every chore and task along the way, hands-on, before moving up.

  The first step in working on any sailing vessel, especially a tall ship, is to understand the rigging, of which there are two basic categories: standing rigging and running rigging.

  Standing rigging consists of the structural supports for the masts and the sails. As its name implies, this equipment is almost always fixed in place, although on some of the larger, more involved vessels it can be adjusted slightly. Running rigging consists of all the ropes (lines) used to control the sails. Without the running rigging, sailors would have virtually no control of their vessels. That’s why slicing the rigging during shipboard combat is just as effective as toppling the mast or tearing holes in the sails.

  As soon as sprogs (newbie sailors) learn the components of the ship beneath them—which has to happen posthaste, or else!—they can participate in the operation of the vessel. And it all starts with the unfurling (opening) of the sails and getting the ship underway.

  One thing all pirates must be proficient at is tying knots. Not just any knots, mind you, but specific knots for specific purposes and situations. On sailing vessels, lines are everywhere and, sooner or later, knots will be needed, no matter what chore you’ve been assigned. All pirates worth the rum in their veins can tie a variety of knots in their sleep or dead drunk.

  STANDING RIGGING

  HEADSTAY/FORESTAY, BACKSTAY, SIDESTAY/SHROUDS: High-tension wires supporting the mast, connected to the hull at various points. They also provide a place for the jib sail to attach.

  RUNNING RIGGING

  HALYARD: A line used to hoist the sail into position, halyard descended from the phrase “to haul yards.”

  MAINSHEET: A line attached to the boom used to control the mainsail.

  JIB SHEET: A line attached to the clew (free corner) of a jib sail.

  TOPPING LIFT: A line that supports the boom when the sail is lowered.

  TYPES OF SAILS

  MAINSAIL: A ship’s primary wind-catcher and its main source of power, attached to the mast and boom.

  JIB: A triangular staysail fixed ahead of the foremast.

  JENNY/GENOA SAIL: Originally called an overlapping jib, the jenny is a larger jib that will partially overlap the mainsail.

  SPINNAKER: Balloon-like sails used when sailing downwind, also called kites or chutes.

  [ fig. 4 ] SAILS

  KNOW YOUR KNOTS

  ANCHOR HITCH · Best used when tension on the line is fluctuating, such as with an anchor.

  With tag end of the rope, make one or two round turns around the object.

  Pass tag end around standing part of rope.

  Pass tag end under the turns.

  Tighten.

  BOWLINE · One of the most versatile knots, bowlines can be used for just about anything.

  Tag end of the rope is considered the “rabbit,” standing part is the “tree,” and first loop is the “hole.”

  Form two loops.

  Put tag end through first loop. Rabbit comes out of the hole.

  Rabbit goes around the tree.

  Rabbit goes back down the hole.

  Cinch tight.

  CLOVE HITCH · Simple and fast to tie, clove hitches are used to secure rope to an object.

  Pass tag end of rope around object and cross over.

  Do another turn, then pass tag end beneath second turn and pull it through.

  Cinch tight.

  [ fig. 5a ] ANCHOR HITCH

  [ fig. 5b ] BOWLINE

  [ fig. 5c ] clove hitch

  FIGURE EIGHT · Essentially just a stopper knot, you will often find figure eights at the end of jib sheets.

  Loop tag end over standing part of rope.

  Loop under standing part.

  Pass tag end over first part of first loop.

  Pass through loop and cinch tight.

  ROLLING HITCH · Extremely versatile, rolling hitches can be adjusted and tied under tension.

  Make a round turn around the line you wish to exert pressure along, going in the direction of the strain.

  Make a second turn in the same direction.

  Pass line in front and away from strain.

  Make a turn, then pass tag end between standing part of the line and the other line.

  Cinch tight.

  SHEET BEND · Sheet bends are ideal for quickly attaching two lines (of similar diameter) together.

  Make a loop in one of the lines.

  Put tag end of second line through the loop, starting from below loop.

  Pass tag end of second line behind standing part of first line.

  Pass tag end over and through loop.

  Cinch tight.

  [ fig. 5d ] FIGURE EIGHT

  [ fig. 5e ] ROLLING HITCH

  [ fig. 5f ] SHEET BEND

  As their name implies, sailing ships are hugely dependent on the wind. The sails capture the wind, harnessing it for power. However, pirates aren’t content to go wherever Mother Nature takes us. We have specific areas we need to get to, such as merchant shipping lanes where prizes can be hunted, conquered, and plundered, so knowing how to work the wind is crucial. This requires not only competency with the equipment but an ability to recognize, and adjust to, ever-changing conditions, both with wind and sea. Those who are able to perform rise through the ranks. Those who can’t best look for another line of work—quickly!—or pray God have mercy on your soul, for we’ll have no use for ya’.

  Tacking is a sailing ship’s alignment with the wind. When the wind is to the right (starboard), the ship is on a starboard tack. When the wind is to the left (port), the ship is on a port tack. Because wind blows in varying directions, at varying strengths, for varying lengths of time, captains have to order myriad tacking maneuvers, often at a moment’s notice, over the course of each journey to reach the intended destination. Captains who fail at this endeavor are often replaced at the first sign of incompetence—but we’ll not speak of mutiny here. Foul words such as those should never see print.

  Working the helm (a.k.a. steering the ship) is just as important as understanding the wind and tacking maneuvers. Avoiding reefs, shoals and sandbars; maintaining the keel in deep water; keeping the wind at your back; and being able to outmaneuver your prey, as well as your enemies, are all skills helmsmen have to master, otherwise the ship—and the entire crew with it—are doomed.

  Because the seas are expansive and filled with p
eril, experienced navigators are crucial. Oftentimes the most successful pirate captains are the ones who can master all the elements of sailing themselves—from simple techniques (anchoring) to the more complicated aspects of seamanship (surviving severe storms and hurricanes)—rather than just recruit the necessary crewmen to do the job. ’Tis why only a small fraction of our ranks become legends while the rest become nothing more than fleeting memories that fade over time.